Relationship Advice: Let’s be real

I am only 19 years old and have my whole life ahead of me. Despite not being extremely experienced in the adult dating field, I still believe I am qualified to give advice based off of my own experiences. The idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend as a teenager can be thrilling, exciting, dreamy – but also anxiety-crippling, confidence-shattering and yes – heartbreaking. 12-17 year old me knows this first hand. Regardless of my parents advice to not have pointless, meaningless, teen relationships, I had my own ideas! Although they weren’t serious relationships, and I wasn’t actually heartbroken when they ended, there was probably a lot of stress that I could have saved myself. I don’t regret them at all though. Looking back in hindsight, I laugh at myself because at the time I probably thought they were the absolute love of my life, knowing full there was not a chance of it lasting more than a few weeks or a few months. However, there are some teen relationships that do go the distance, which is a rare and beautiful thing to find!

Having got out of such a childish cycle and mindset, I’ve began thinking more deeply about what relationships, in the romantic sense, actually mean and what I would want in the future. After talking with one of my good friends about this the other day I decided our conversation would be inspiration for my blog post today. This is all from my personal perspective, I believe everyone deals with things differently. And that’s okay. Our difference is what makes us beautiful as individuals!

Nowadays, I never see the point of setting myself up for heartbreak. If I know from the start that it won’t work e.g. if there are character traits that I can’t overlook or our intentions are not aligned, I don’t see the point in pursuing it. I’m ruthless in the sense that I will end something, whether it be a talking stage or anything else, as soon as I see signs that it isn’t going to work out. It’s harder when it’s an established thing, but I believe the quicker you are honest with yourself about a potential unresolvable problem, the less it’s going to hurt.

This generation is so driven by ‘the right timing’. It’s over generalised. “It’s too early to make it official”, “it’s too early to say ‘I love you'”, “it’s too early to catch feelings”. Now I’m not saying to marry a guy after talking to him for a day or so, that would just be a bit thoughtless, but at the same time stop being held down by societies perception of ‘the right timing’. Everything is relative. What is too early for one person is too late for another and vice versa. So long as it feels right for you, and whoever you’re engaging with, that’s all that matters. Stop worrying.

I also want to mention is the whole concept of being on the same page. This is so so so so so important. I cannot stress it enough. If the person I am talking to likes to get around a lot and doesn’t intend to stop, why would I, a person who is more inclined to settling, decide to take things forward with them. And vice versa. If you like to get around, explore a bit, I wouldn’t advise getting with someone who intends on getting into a serious relationship and settling down for the future.

Lastly, why are you getting into a relationship? Ask yourself this. If it’s because you are lonely or bored, it’s probably not a good idea. Using a relationship to fulfill your emotional needs can lead to disaster. Likewise if it’s just because you want someone next to you to make cute Instagram posts or to show physical affection to; these are not sustainable foundations for a relationship. Sure they can be bonuses within a relationship, but if it’s built solely on these things, it probably isn’t worth it. If you actually want to bulild something with a specific person and you can see them perhaps being in your future then you probably have a good thing going.

Romantic relationships are not the be all and end all. Ultimately, being young and single has so many pros. Get to know yourself first, make yourself into the person you want to be, and the right person will find their way to you.

Love Always,

Shadz xo

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